new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
