Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
