She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
