I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So vagazzling was a success
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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