I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
