Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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