and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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