We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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