I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
