you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize