Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
another moral hangover. fuck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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