i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
