so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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