i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
porn star boner night. come get it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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