this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
