will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
