I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
