Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
