I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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