Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
