A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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