i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
