Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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