ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you had me at cake vodka
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
