My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
