My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize