I wish I could teleport
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
