i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
