I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
