Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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