There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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