with your own penis?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
