call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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