I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
