When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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