I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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