So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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