Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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