i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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