I'm gonna have a badass scar
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
