he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i will never coherently bang her
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
