i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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