I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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