Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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