would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
