do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
