Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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