Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
