last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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