oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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