He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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