Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
