There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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