well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
