The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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