So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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