My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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