we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
