i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
