my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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