The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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