When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
