I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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