I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus