Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
