Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.