so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.