I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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