If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
