The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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